I didn’t know Barbara very well but we share more than one thing – the love and passion for food, shown on our blogs. And there is the other one – an eval fu**cking enemy, the cancer.
Back in 2008 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Me, the lucky one with the tiny little boobs – it wasn’t what I had expected – I wanted to start my own little business. Life has changed completely from one second to the other. Nothing stayed the same and the first time of my life I‘ve been really afraid – afraid of dying.
To hold on something, I pressed the LIVEstrong yellow ribbon inside my hands during the surgery. After that my beloved hubby and me had to go through months of chemotherapy. It wasn‘t a fancy thing so to say and I do not mean loosing my hair. This hasn‘t been a big deal. I was looking like the female version of Telly Savalas without the cigar and yes, I had some moments feeling sexy with my bowling ball.
I started sewing and produced a remarkable selection of hats because wearing a toupee, rug, wig – what is the right word – wasn‘t an option.
But I had my weak and painful moments when everything looked dark- the fear came to me and wanted to possess me. During these moments I dreamed of france, cooking the best french cuisine with lots of tartes and all the things I am so in love with.
And during my good moments I went into the kitchen to prepare my favorite dishes for hubby and me to feel comfortable and to have a bit of a „normal“ life.
After chemotherapy and radiation I had time to recover and to start a new way of life. Yes, even if this sounds like a cliché – we (me and my hubby too ) changed some important things. One of the reasons I started my blog was the experience that life is so precious and it is too short to waste time with doing things that aren‘t good for me. I am grateful every day for every day.
Now, 4 years later, I have my weak moments too, when I have to fight against my biggest enemy – the fear – the fear not to have enough time. I am often impatient, cannot wait and want to make the second step before the first one was taken. I have to learn to be serene – this is my motto.
Sometimes I want to shout out loud – „I want my old life back, for god‘s sake“. The imaginary-trolls want to paralyze me and then I have to fight – and I do it better when I‘m in my kitchen. And so I started to join the „Jour du Macaron“ movement in 2010, an event, originally hosted by Pierre Hermé.
The donations I receive go to a public charity for children suffering from cancer.
Barbara hosted the „Taste of Yellow“ event to help raise awareness of cancer. When I heard that as a tribute to her and to the memory of her the Monthly Mingle (this awesome virtual potluck), organized by Meeta and this month hosted at Cooksister by Jeanne, I decided to submit a yellow recipe.
Do you know the phrase „When life gives you lemons, make lemonade“? I am sure you do! I don‘t think you can compare making lemonade with cancer but we are responsible for this one precious life and so we have to do everything to live our best life.
And yes, there isn‘t so much sun during summer 2012 but don‘t care too much about it when you can shine from your inside.
Drink a glass of this lemonade and you‘ll have a yellow taste of summer.
This lemonade, made of the juiciest lemons I could get, combines some of my favorite flavors – roasted fennel seeds, honey from the garrigue and a few leaves of fresh mint.
Take care of you and hug the ones you love and let’s celebrate our life. Cheers!